I have given up watching this bobbins and yet millions tune in every week. Why? Even with the addition of a live audience it’s a tired format.
Here goes the structure:
After the obligatory ‘coming up’ spoilers, the judges enter the arena with all the fanfare afforded to returning gods. Following this, a procession of deluded wannabes are paraded in front of the mocking nation. Many of these dimwits are accompanied by their entire family, a mob of genetically hamstrung individuals who take issue with the judges. About this time a sob story will pull at the heart strings and some unlikely council worker will rise up from the dross and blow away the judges. If only they would. The chuckling Louis and smug Simon sit there like bookends spouting innuendos designed to keep them in a closet they should have left years ago. Meanwhile, Dani – who sits there no less obsolete than Arlene Philips – can only look on in envy as Cheryl basks in the kind of public affection last offered to Princess Di. TV has no jury like a woman scorned.